A few thoughts about Feelings.

I think our culture has some funny feelings about feelings.

Feelings just *are*. they aren't inherantly bad or wrong. Its not as if you can conjure them up in yourself at any given moment.


I say this because I feel like in the past few months the clarity about what I "own" and what I don't has become all the more clear to me.

For instance, its a pretty common phrase to through around "YOU make me SO angry." Well, actually, not really. You are, in effect, blaming someone else for what you feel. Is there something to be said about a person deliberately provoking you to anger? Sure. But regardless, I need to *own* what I feel, whatever emotion it is. The inherant problem with blaming someone else for your feelings is that you become the victim when doing so.
When Kiera does something that ticks me off, which happens a minimum of once a day, I phrase my anger that way. I am not going to pretend I am not angry, I am not going to pretend what she did was okay, but I *am* going to own how I feel. Whether it be pleasant or not. so I will say "I am so angry with you when you do such and such". It allows me to state what I am feeling and it allows her to not feel *responsible* for how I feel. that is a lot to carry on 2.5 year olds shoulders. With Doug and I it also makes for a much better conversation because we are both stating what we are *feeling* in terms that do not blame the other person for it.
I remember learning how this in pysch class a few years ago. About using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. but I never really got "why". now I get why. I do it because it also enables ME to step aside and let the person be responsible for their own feelings.